Okay, haven't done this in a while.  Came back from vacation with a new committment to write again and then life hit me in the face.  Let's see if I can get myself caught up on life.

 

#1 Boys are good.  Merrick and Mason are coming up on their 12th and 10th birthdays respectively.  I cannot believe that much time has passed already.  I wonder what kind of Nessa I will be to pre-teen boys?  I know I can handle kids when they are young -- this will be completely new for me.  Not looking forward to the hormones or the mood swings, but my mother will tell you I deserve whatever I get -- she had to live thru me in my pre-teens.

 

#2  Little Man is good.  Yes, the Little Man is still living with us.  Due to his status as a foster child I am unable to use his real name.  The Little Man came to us as an 8 month old who had been in care for 3 weeks and we were his 3rd foster home due to circumstances that he could not control.  He could not sit up on his own, so he had a lot of catching up to do.  Oh, my how he has changed in the last 5 months.  The Little Man is now standing on his own and has even taken steps on his own.  You do not know how excited we are that he has met this milestone on time.  The therapists told us to not be so aggressive with our 6 month goal of him walking, but we knew he could do it.  I am sure before long he will be all over the house and into all kinds of things he shouldn't be.

 

We are not sure what will happen with his birth family.  They are working their plan; however, I believe the state is still going to file for termination and force them into mediation.  They have already had three home studies of relatives fail, so I am not sure how this is going to play out.  Mom wants them with her family in Illinois and Dad wants them to go to Mexico with his family.  Either home study could potentially take months to complete due to the out of state status.  I am not sure they will be able to find a family member that can handle the learning disabilities the older sisters have.  But, they have improved so much while in care that it proves the point that these parents could not progress their children as they should have.

 

So, we sit and wait.  October 4th is nearing and this is when all parties will gather to determine the children's fate.  We are praying hard that God has his hand in the Little Man's future.  Selfishly, he could live with us forever; however, that would remove him from his biological past and that would be difficult on him as he grew up.  But, then I know that that family had a lot of turmoil and violence and that is not what I want for him either.  So, I pray --- and I pray hard.

 

My brother got married last weekend.  It was a beautiful ceremony and we had a great time at the reception.  It is hard to believe that my little brother is the head of a household now.  Kind of scary when you think about it.  We had drama during the weekend, but nothing that couldn't be overcome with some grown up discipline.  :)

 

And last week also brought another foster child into our home.  My husband and I decided we had the room and time for another full-time foster child.  And with the chance of having the Little Man leaving I couldn't have an empty room.  So, we now have cute blonde boy to add to the mix who will be two years old on Monday.  I'll call him Tyler since that is what I tried to call him for the first week.  I mean he looks like a Tyler ---- his real name does not fit him.  He is a good boy with a very sad story.  Next Wednesday is his first court haring, so we will know more about his plan and future after the hearing.

 

The job is good.  Busy, but good.  I have limited my work schedule, but not so sure I will be able to in the next 3 weeks.  My two biggest clients have some major meetings and the timeline may kill us all.

 

And the Schnauzers --- who could forget the schnauzers.  They are as rotten as ever and we love every bit of that.

 

So, the life remains full of activity and stress, but we try to have fun along the way.

Went on Vacation

 

I went on vacation for a glorious 12 days from the office.  Now this counts the weekends – and for me – someone who tends to work from home or drive all of the way into town on a weekend --- that was a loooong time without reporting in.  Okay, I cheated like twice and logged on to clean out email, but nothing too taxing.  And to my surprise, the walls of the office did not cave in and they were still open for business 12 days later.

 

Now, keep in mind I am not THAT important . . . I just fear for how the WWWO (Woman With Window Office) will fair with out me.  She seemed to survive; however, she would never let on how many tantrums she had without me there.  Rafael did not seem to worse for the experience . . . he seemed to make it that long with her alone.

 

I didn’t realize how important the vacation was until I seriously took a look at the attitude change I had due to the time off.  Before I left I found myself once again caught up in the office politics and beginning to be boxed in again by the office walls, forgetting how menial our work life is compared to the “big picture”.  Yes, people want excellent insurance, want great benefits, enrollment cards on time and expect great service when something with their plan goes wrong and the big broker has to get involved.  However, there are so many other things in life that are so much more important that my day to day life never touches.

 

I helped make some great memories with my children.  They spent 7 days with my parents, brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law.  We spent hours laughing, growing and making wonderful memories.  We fished, hunted for sand dollars and created sand sculptures.  My husband and I walked on the beach, spent the evening talking on the balcony in the beach air and took walks with the Little Man in tow.

 

Yes, we even took our foster baby.  I am not sure he will ever be on another vacation with the socio-economic level of his birth family, but he spent one great week on the beach, in the pool and in the ocean.  He may not have actual memories of the events, but he grew socially, verbally and became more independent due to the experiences he had, for that it was worth it.

 

So, I return from vacation to two excited Schnauzers that were overjoyed to see us return.  I return to the WWWO, also overjoyed to see me return to the crazy life we call work.  I return to my job with a new refreshed attitude that my job is only a part of my life.  I need to work hard when I am there, but also keep in mind that it is not my whole life.  I will not let the politics or the job physically or emotionally consume me.  I return as a rested employee, mother, foster mother and wife.

 

And I promise to recognize the next time I need such a vacation and take the time I need to re-energize myself.  And look, I can write again.  I had reached such an overload on my brain that I could not write.  It feels good.

The cheap menu at Taco Bell was a favorite while in high school and college.  You manage to scrape $3 in change together after digging in the sofa cushions, grabbing what change lie hidden under the seats of the car and whatever coin treasure you could find in the ash tray of the car and you could purchase a full meal.

 

One of the highlights of my high school days was the opening of the Taco Bell in our hometown.  We had waited for years for this event and my Junior year it became a reality.  We had half of the kids illegally leaving campus that day for lunch to purchase the coveted bean burrito or soft taco. 

 

(I of course did not leave because I might get caught never got in trouble at school.  Unless you count the time I kissed Jamie Johnson in the 2^nd grade.  But, from then on I was on the straight and narrow.  It only took me once spending PE with “nose and toes” on the wall to teach me.)  I have digressed, back to Taco Bell.

 

It was my Senior year when they brought Taco Bell to us.  Yes, Taco Bell had a stand in the cafeteria where they sold their wares.  It was a high school kid’s dream come true.  And we are talking my brother’s dream come true.  It was his Sophomore year and lunch was a routine he would purchase at least three bean burritos every day.  He would purchase his lunch and head to the Senior bench outside of the library and he would hang out with me.  The process would go something like this:  Open burrito, squish contents to evenly distribute, tear off excess tortilla off the top, hand excess tortilla to Vanessa as her lunch, inhale burrito while applying mild sauce before each bite.

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I know you want to know why I am going on and on about a Taco Bell burrito . . . stay with me.

 

Last Friday night I found myself tired after a hard week of work, and tired from running errands that evening and told my husband to pull into the Taco Bell for a quick “drive-thru no nutritional value meal”.  (I hadn't Taco Bell in probably 5 years.)  When we got home I pulled out the bean burrito, squished all contents to evenly distribute in the tortilla, ripped off the excess tortilla from the top (eating that first of course) and went to take a bite with my mild sauce in hand read to apply after each bite.  It is amazing what memories a $0.99 cent burrito can bring back -- all memories of my brother.  I have made lists of things that reminded me of my Dad, but what about Justin?

 

1. Of course the taco Bell burrito with mild sauce.
2. Jack in the Box tacos.  He loves those soggy, greasy things.
3. The Burger King on I30 that we tried to order from the drive-thru just to have them to tell us they were out of hamburgers.  (We left there and went to Taco Bell instead.)
4. A Southwest Airlines airplane.  He is a flight attendant for SWA.
5. Wiffle Ball – he is a mean wiffle ball player and will scold you for not using a true Wiffle Bat and Wiffle Ball.
6. The Game of Life.  He would play this game for hours --- alone ---- with pretend opponents.
7. Baseball cards --- I told him he shouldn’t put them in the spokes of his bicycle.  I am certain he ruined many a rookie cards that are worth a lot now.
8. Christmas Eve ---- we always spent Christmas Eve sleeping in the same room, too excited to sleep.

 

I’m glad I never had a sister.

It has been almost 8 years since I entered the Insurance Brokerage world a young 23 year old college graduate as an administrative assistant.  Yes, I graduated with an Advertising Degree with an emphasis in Public Relations and I went to work at a Health and Welfare brokerage firm typing letters and putting presentations together -- makes perfect sense. :)  It's called good starting pay that allowed me to get a nice apartment out on my own.

 

Turns out with hard work and a brain you can learn just about anything.  So, here I sit very proud of myself 8 years later and I have more than doubled my starting pay.  That is not bad for a 30 year old.

 

A big thanks to the "Woman with a Window Office" (WWWO) for teaching me so much, believing in me and being a great friend.  You can drive me insane, but it is a small price to pay.

Foster parents in Texas who care for children under the age of five are eligible to register the children for WIC.  This is a state-funded agency that provides nutritional guidance and assistance to those who qualify.  Those who qualify include pregnant women, infants and children who fall below a pre-determined economic level.  I highly recommend foster parents take full advantage of this service as it provides food basics for the children in your care; therefore, reducing your grocery bill.  For those with infants it is a lifesaver as they provide nine 12 oz cans of powdered formula a month.  (Or as I call it “powdered gold” due to the price of the stuff.)

 

Kelli has always deemed her WIC meetings the “biggest butt-kicking” of her life.  The rules require the foster parent must present the child who is eligible, show proof of residency within the county and show placement papers.  Now, Kelli has a tendency to exaggerate because she must present three children every time she goes.  Hauling her three kids around in itself is a butt kicking, add to it the quiz the staff gives you and you have “the biggest butt-kicking” of your life.

 

After attending my first WIC appointment on Saturday morning I must resign to agree with Kelli – it is an unpleasant and intimidating experience.  We arrived at 7 am, meeting time is 7:15 --- we are trying to get in and out since we have to appear at our agency at 9 am for a 4-hour long restraining course which is another butt-kicking in itself.  We arrive to three women who are visibly completely as un-thrilled to be there on a Saturday morning as we are.  There is no one in the place; however, there is still a wait.

 

We present the “Little Man” as the recipient of the states’ generosity as well as all identifiable information regarding my husband and I.  This in itself is uncomfortable as they ask if we would provide approval to be on their mailing list to aide us in getting the “Little Man” the healthcare and nutrition he needs.  We politely decline as we are fully aware of his medical and nutritional needs. 

 

This is the point that I become completely annoyed with the process.  They know I am a therapeutic foster parent with a highly reputable agency that has been around for decades.  I had to complete 80 hours to obtain my therapeutic license and I am required log 50 hours of continuing education classes per year.  This is not per couple, it is per person!!  This is over 4 hours per month!!  Therefore, I do not need your mailings to inform me and encourage me to get the proper health care for the child in my care; however, thank you so kindly for asking.

 

Again we are pointed to our seats in the lobby for some more waiting.  Again, not sure why as we are the only people in the place at such an hour.  When recalled to the window, we are then peppered while twenty some odd questions regarding the feeding of the “Little Man”.  What is he eating?  How many ounces in the bottle?  What goes in his bottle?  Do you place tea, coffee or Coke in the bottle?  Do you ever prop the bottle?  How many scoops of formula in the bottle?  How many scoops to an ounce of water?  (Trying to get you to mess up on that one with the requirement of math.)  How many bottles are you making at a time?  Do you have running water?  Working stove?  Own a refrigerator?  Does it work?

 

By the look on the face of the woman firing off the questions we need not answer sarcastically or we could be referred to CPS.  So, we stand there and laugh at the questions and answer them the best we can.  But, I am further annoyed with the fact that I have a license, I have a director, I have an agency.  They do not license people without running water, working stove or refrigerator.

 

Now, more waiting.  At this point the second appt. has arrived and she is peppered with questions regarding her child’s most recent meals.  Oh, I can see our second visit will be as joyful.

 

We are finally called back by the Nutritionist who believes she is the smartest woman on Earth.  And based on her experience and the environment she works in, yes, she is the smartest woman in the WIC office in this “to remain unnamed small town in Texas” on most days because she holds a college degree.  However, today she has met with a couple as equally as smart, so her questioning cannot demean us. 

 

I am first appalled be the décor of the office.  Leopard print has vomited all over the small office with light blue walls.  She has a leopard rug down that needed a severe vacuuming and the cabinet doors behind her desk have been covered in leopard cloth.  So, as I look at the small-framed woman it is hard to keep the smile on my face as she quickly asks the question with a bit of a condescending tone, “Now explain to me whyyyyyy you are placing rice in his bottles.”  My simple answer, “His doctor told us too.”  Ha!!  A doctor has a fancier degree than you, you nutritionist working in the WIC office.  She had met her match.  Husband and I had all of our teeth and the brains to answer all of her questions properly.

 

We left with our WIC ID card, WIC coupons for Little Man’s dietary needs, a brand new cheap-azz tooth brush for his four little teeth and one shiny new spoon for his use.  I suppose I should feel special --- in all her years of WIC exerience Kelli has never received a complimentary baby spoon!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, it has been 9 days since the Little Man joined our household and you wonder why I have not poured out any new stories of how our household is adjusting.  Let’s see if I can come up with a small list for you:

 

On Monday when he arrived I had just been diagnosed 1 hour prior with strep throat.  This is the one illness that brings me closest to death.  I basically curl up in the fetal position for 3 days in my bed dying from the 103 fever and trying not to swallow my own spit from the sheer pain the act produces in my ears.  And I would rather die a thousand deaths than have the need to yawn.  I feel like I am 9 years old again as I hold my ears and cry from the pain this simple act causes.  So, needless to say, Chris was a single parent for the first 72 hours of his arrival.

 

For the first two days things were great.  The time period we foster parents call the “honeymoon period”.  This is the time when you think, “This placement is going to be the best placement ever.  He is so easy.”  And just about the time you utter these words the Gods turn against you.  As it turns out this happened on Thursday evening just as I thought I might just survive the strep – even after a full day’s work. 

 

Chris had taken the boys to practice and I had had some alone time with the Little Man.  We helped meet our quota of “therapeutic play” with some floor time as I encouraged the Little Man to crawl, roll around and in general come out of his shell.  We ended the evening with some all out giggling.  This developed into a sort of game as Rileigh barked at him the more he giggled and the more she barked well, the more he giggled.  It was at that moment I thought the dreaded words, “This placement is going to be the best placement ever.  He is so easy.”

 

The kiss of death.  Chris returned home.  Bath time for Little Man - easy.  We placed him in bed and off to make bottles to prepare for the next day.  House was quiet and everyone content.  And that is when we heard it.  A loud cough, a gag and blood curdling scream.  Oh, yes the vomit had started.  Sheets, blankets and bumpers on the bed covered.  Off to the bath where more screaming ensued.  Back to new temporary bed as we clean all linens on permanent bed.  Ten minutes later he begins to cry for comfort, so I hold Little Man while Chris cleans and without warning more vomit.  This time I am a casualty.

 

(Now if you will recall the old Nessa would have had a run-away.  See previous entry filed under “Being a Nessa”.) 

 

The evening continued with mopping, bathing and vomiting, in that order.  It ended with Chris taking the Little Man to the Children’s Hospital at 10 pm and not returning until 1 am.  So, much for easy, huh?  Vomiting was enhanced by excess pooping for the next 5 days.  We are talking 5 – 7 diapers a day.  Daycare was going thru 2 – 3 outfits per day.  My washing machine couldn’t keep up.

 

By Sunday it hit me -the stomach virus that Little Man brought with him.  Chris was close to follow on Monday as he took Little Man, again, to visit a doctor.  It was Monday afternoon – in the middle of class when Mason was struck.  Let’s just say the class received a bonus recess period as the janitors were called in to clean up the mess. Merrick followed him on Monday night in a less embarrassing way as he chose the privacy of his home to be sick.  This is not the way we had pictured or hoped to be affected by our newest visitor to our home.

 

The illness quickly spread to Kelli and Todd’s home as 6 of the 8 family members were close to death on Monday night.  The picture of 4 kids and 2 adults all sick with the stomach virus at once is not a pretty one at all.

 

Oh, the way a small child can come into your lives and affect so many so quickly.

 

Today is day nine and it is the first day we picked up Little Man in the same outfit we dropped him off in.  SUCCESS!!  We have started over with Soy Formula and have begun to add rice.  Solid food or rice cereal straight still causes a gag reflex, so we will wait a couple more days to pursue that further.  Small steps …….

 

We have seen overall improvements already.  He is making strides in attempting to crawl.  He can mimic clapping and today his new trick is clucking his tongue.  This new act has become a great mimicking game as well.  We have learned that Elmo is his new best friend and a great conversationalist on long car rides.  You have to love progress.

We took the plunge.  Head first, just dove right in.  We went full-time. 

 

On Monday night CPS delivered our very first placement.  Unlike most placements we had about 3 days lead time knowing “Little Man” was coming to stay with us.  (As always can’t use real names due to privacy.  I may come up with a name that fits him better, but for now “Little Man” fits perfect.)

 

The Little Man is 8 months old and has been in care since the first week of March.  The first two homes were CPS homes.  Home #1 gave notice on him two days after placement when they had a death in the family and he had to move him to CPS home #2.  The placement in home #2 failed when a little more research was done to find the foster parents had their own history of “false” allegations with CPS; therefore, they were not a viable option for fostering.  (Editorial note:  Nice background check there on that one.)  So, now the Little Man has been placed in a Therapeutic Foster Home due to the number of placements.

 

Okay, now that the system isn’t working so well for the Little Man, what about the bio parents?  Yea, history of some neglectful supervision and Mom has a pattern of physical abuse – proven with older siblings, but I’m figuring she doesn’t discriminate.  All were removed while the parents are working through parenting classes, anger management, etc.

 

So, that is the road The Little Man took to get to our home in a nutshell.  We are excited about him being here.  Has it added to our stressful lives?  Yes.  Has he made us laugh and cry already?  Yes.  Are we making a difference in a little life?  Yes.

 

Then it is worth it.